Cinnebon Candle Burning

yyuuuuummmmm! It smells like the mall venue that you gain 10 lbs. just walking past! It's a great day in LALA! Dick just showed up at Helen's house to pick up Roger, their oldest son. It's time to start college hunting!! Dick was just a.......in a rotten mood this AM for some reason! Aren't newlyweds supposed to be happy?!? Helen and her girls are, on the meantime, planning a fun Spring Break day! Maybe ride go carts??

If a guy says, "I'm different than other guys"...

BEWARE!!! "Pat" (known as HeShe now) picked me up for dinner w/ roses...took me to a $$$$ dinner and kept telling me he wasn't like all the other guys...he was "different". OK, Helen noticed his skin was a little smooth, but the last boyfriend, Fred from Tennessee, prided himself on his "smooth skin" and told her hers wasn't smooth enough! She'd thought this odd...but he was the furthest thing from gay!! So Helen didn't think too much when Pat mentioned he'd had a facial. Both Fred and Pat were overly concerned w/ their appearance (white teeth, body...). Helen had a little too much t0 drink and kissed Pat, which she normally wouldn't've wanted to do. She did think he was a "tender" kisser, but after a few glasses of vino, didn't think any further re. The next day she receives a call from her Shoppers Anonymous guy friend who they'd run into, only to learn that Pat used to be Patty and is a HeShe! OMG!!!

Vente Nonfat Latte

After a night of vino w/ her bff, a Starbucks blind date was just what the Dr. ordered! She finds it so refreshing to have a date just admit upfront that he's going thru a divorce because he cheated on his wife! Some men, like Helen's X, just can't admit that! :)

Helen has a Hey Day!

Helen was raised in a poor black family on a farm in West Tennessee. She is now living the life of a rock star! She's dating a world class athlete ~ shall we call him Pat? He's really quite a stud and an Olympian, so she thinks..,! He brings Helen flowers and makes her feel like a queen! She LOVES this after her x hubby dashed off with the, what he thinks is the trophy wife! The trophy wife does have quite an, shall we say, "interesting background" (we'll go into that further later), but Helen is just happy to be rid of Dick! It's too bad they eloped before the children got to know her ~ they might've liked her had the circumstances involving her arrival into their lives been different! The life of a rock star is sooooo much more fun than the life of a battery operated Stepford wife! Today was a day like no other...drama, drama, drama...between Helen, her x and his new bride. Why can't they all just get along, she often wonders! Some x hubbys, she hears, are actually nice and appreciate what their x-wives do for their children! Something she doubts she'll ever see from her x, who has the little Napolean complex and the world centers around him. Maybe Helen shouldn't have copied him on the text she received from a close friend disclosing gossip he'd heard about the new bride, but it's so hard to think before you do every action! Next thing he's talking about attorneys, slander... isn't there such a thing as freedom of speech? Is it so bad to say she had the reputation of being a "white trash hoar"? Helen receives a call from what's her name new bride, who just thinks Helen is the rich snob who lives off of Daddy. Well, her prize is the one who took Helen to the cleaners and pays more for his oceanfront condo than he pays in child support for his four children! It's off to do carpools in a few. Helen just want's to get a break! There's a movie she's heard about called the Cracker Factory, where the Mom checks into a mental hospital just to get a break! She can totally relate, but that's in another chapter! It's a beautiful day in LaLa!

TGIF

It's a beautiful day in Lala today! Spring is in the air! Helen has a sick teen at home...a meeting with the parenting counselor and the x today to discuss the new Step-Mom, the fact that the kids won't go stay w/ the x and how to handle Dick trying to thrust her into their lives and step on Helen's toes however possible! AARRGGHHH! Thank goodness she has to leave early to attend the school bake sale! Another day in the life w/ never a dull moment!

EHarmony

So how can Helen's x boyfriend find love overnight on EHarmony? We'll call him....Biff. He was trying to meet someone outside of the Tennessee town...but do those web-sites really work? She signed up for it just to see...ok she did answer a few of the ?'s to try to get matched w/ him...like "no, she doesn't ever leave her house in a mess"...But why can't EHarmony find anyone for her? They've given her only a handful of people including a Buddhist, an Oklahoma farmer, a born againer self-proclaimer....It's depressing for her to go on the site and see "no match found"! That's their job DAMMIT!! Soooo the Match.com is another story and even though she gets fed up with all the scary winks, she has met a few interesting people who are nice to chat with and she just has fun with it. She's only come across one stalker who thought they were meant to be and wouldn't leave her alone. It was all for stories for the book, which might just be a blog for awhile!

The history of Helen

Helen was having lunch, actually brunch, w/ my bff, Luquisha, one day and she suggested she start a fictional blog! The characters may be based on real life characters...but the honesty of what's true and untrue will be for the reader to determine. The character's name is Helen, as it is a private joke amongst her college friends and a club that once existed ~ The Helen Club. The Helen Club is now the Pirate Club of Ponte Vedra. Further info re. both to be revealed later. Helen is a single parent with four children to raise on her own. It is a handful for her! She loves her children more than life itself. Helen's x husband, Dick, just remarried a buxom blonde named Helenth, but Helen and Dick's children call her Cruella Deville. She didn't attend college, has a DUI record, along with a felony record for stealing beef jerky from the In & Out store! Dick failed to think to tell his four children before he had the lavish ceremony where his best friend Rick walked Helenth down the isle. Her x boyfriend from her hometown in Big Orange Country,Biff, broke up w/ her for someone he met and fell in love with overnight on EHarmony. GO FIGURE!! He broke up w/ her via text message the same day her x husband told her he planned to marry Helenth (she's the buxom blonde who Helen's wonderful children think has had entirely toooooo much plastic surgery and Helen's 10 year old Suzie corrects her English because she puts prepositions at the end of her sentences..."Where'd y'all eat dinner at"...). So many people told Helen she should write a book... or wear a "Helencam" on her head for a reality TV series...that she decided to write a blog. So what's true and untrue about this blog...anything and everything for both! Anything goes. Now I need to read the blog rules before I tell you anymore about Helen. Dammit Janet